Be respectful, it is not that Hard?

The majority of college students will experience what it is to live with the roommate(s). Granted, we all have experienced what it is to live with great roommates; unfortunately we all have had some bad ones too. I have been with roommates who do not live by the Honor Code and leave the house looking like we were just robbed. Clothes are everywhere, dishes are found all over the kitchen, everything is unorganized. As a fellow student and member of the college environment I feel that I am entitled to certain rights and privileges. I do not think that I am above the BYU law, the Honor Code, and I don’t think I am better than anyone else. I am certainly not saying that I will break rules and standards, but I am tired of living with people who choose not to live by the Honor Code or who settle for an unclean home. It is to these kinds of roommates that I want to speak to. Common sense and common courtesy dictate that roommates should share the responsibilities of keeping the house clean and obeying the Honor Code.

Of course I am far from being perfect. And I certainly do not think that I am better than anyone. Perhaps I am getting old and grumpy, but what is it that motivates people to want to stay up late into the night and sit and talk for hours. Boredom? Curiosity? Honestly, do some people find the only time to see their loved ones or friends is past midnight? Other concerns I have include some basic household cleaning skills. I know I’m not the cleanest or most organized person. But to some degree, it almost appears that some people have never lived in a clean environment. It is only when they begin to lose their wallets, keys, watches, phones, etc., that they realize they need to be neater. Other times, these untidy roommates complain about not having any clean dishes and are too stubborn to admit to others and themselves that they are the problem. It makes me wonder, what is this person thinking? And what justifications could they have for what they do?

In a recent conversation with my roommate Richard, I was able to get some insight as to why he stayed up so late at night with the ladies. He said that each time he stayed out late it was never planned. Originally he only wanted to talk to the girl and get some food. But slowly they would lose track of time and forget how late the hour was. Soon, these visits would become customary and they soon forgot about the Honor Code which states that visiting hours for people of the opposite sex are from 9:00 am and extend until 12:00 midnight. Friday visiting hours may extend until 1:30. Not wanting to, but I have sometimes walked in on Richard and the lady friend, on the couch making out past curfew. That wasn’t pleasant! To know that I am interrupting that which should not be happening already. To feel that I cannot be comfortable in my own home. The Honor Code what we had agreed to and signed before and during our time here at BYU is not just a form with our signature. I imagine that many of us do not realize the promise that we had made and do not think of the results of our actions. What kind of lives are we living when we are not following the simple rules given to us by BYU? What kind of people can we hope to be like when it is time to leave this campus? Are we only meant to follow a few if not all the rules? For my roommate and lady friend, their commitment they once had was gone and had lost its impact. It would be easy to say that they had simply forgotten about the hour and curfew, but from what I have been told, there was never a good excuse. And when asked if they ever had taken into consideration the feelings of others, they never really thought about anyone else. They admitted their actions were selfish and they were not being very respectful. Since my conversation with Richard, the nights have been spent more in study and preparing for the next day, and visiting with the ladies on a timelier frame.

In another opportunity I talked to my other two roommates, who are brothers, and expressed my frustration with them in how they did not clean up after themselves. To both Kyle and Cameron, my purpose of speaking to them was not meant to be an attack or say that they were bad people. I only wanted to understand why they never put their dirty dishes into the dishwasher. The dishes had continued to stack to the point where we couldn’t see the bottom of the sink anymore. The situation had gotten to the point where we had no clean dishes, and they would go to a fast food restaurant to eat instead of cleaning up. Maybe it is just me, but there is nothing incredibly laborious about cleaning up after oneself. Perhaps they were brought up differently and have lower standards than me. And perhaps that is the problem with all my issues. (My whole argument is not to point blame, but to establish responsibility.)

Maybe all these bad habits are a result from bad/crazy semesters, and because of their busy schedule they are more forgetful than normal. But who isn’t busy with work, homework and classroom assignments? Preparing for a quiz or an exam that is important to their grades and future education? Some people say that living with these roommates is temporary and things will get better when they leave. But when things don’t get better with the new roommates, what happens? Does it become an ongoing cycle that is never solved? How long can you go without clean dishes?

To me, it only makes sense, to want to live in a clean house with people who obey the Honor Code. Can anyone honestly say that they would prefer living in a world without order and organization? Maybe. But I know from experience that there is less stress and argument amongst the roommates when the house is in order. The responsibility should never fall on one person to be the example or to clean the entire home, like some mother figure. I want my home to be a place of escape, to feel peace.

Keep in mind that one day most of us will have families of our own and there will be a need for an example figure. And the responsibility will not fall onto one person. It is clearly to our benefit to begin these healthy habits now and put them into practice. This will only result in better preparation for our future homes and families. So why not start now? Let’s show each other the kind of respect that not only our immediate roommates deserve, but also our own eternal families. We should begin by asking ourselves: how respectful am I being to my roommates?